[CALL BEGINS]
Rian: Hello?
J.J.: Rian? It's J.J., how it's going?
Rian: Alright, I suppose. You?
J.J.: Great. Working hard. Getting close to finished.
Rian: That's great, J.J. I'm looking forward to seeing how you follow up my film.
J.J.: I'm curious to hear what you'll think! But the reason I'm calling *clears throat* I just wanted to run something by you, make sure we have all the ducks in a row, so to speak.
Rian: No problem. I'm glad to help.
J.J.: Well, you know how with The Last Jedi, you retconned a lot of The Force Awakens by just murdering all the mysteries?
Rian: *chuckles* Yeah, sure J.J. Sorry about that.
J.J.: Ah, no worries, no worries. Really, I just wanted you to know that with Episode 9, I'm retconning Episode 8, which means I'm also retconning Episode 7.
Rian: Good luck. I wish you all the best.
J.J.: You should have let me finish, Ryan.
Rian: Why's that?
J.J.: You should have let me finish, because I'm also going to retcon...Episode SIX!
Rian: What?
J.J.: That's right mother fucker! Palpatine? He's alive again BOOM! Lando? He's back baby! You think that's it, but wait...there's more.
Rian: Dear God! More? MORE!?!
J.J.: So much more. Palpatine was just a front...he was a force ghost all along!
Rian: WHAT?
J.J.: Yeah! A hologram of a force ghost by the real force ghost sith master...
Rian: I'm actually afraid to eve--
J.J.: LUKE SKYWALKER!!!
Rian: So t--
J.J.: That's right, Shit Brick! I'm retconning The Original Trilogy AND the prequel trilogy! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?! Rian: FOR THE LOVE OF STAR WARS, PLEASE STOP! J.J.: Also Han Solo is still alive. And you know what? HE WAS REALLY LUKE SKYWALKER!
Rian: I can't even right now, J.J. I really can't even.
J.J.: But wait...there's more!
Rian: More?
J.J.: More! *maniacal laughter*
Rian: *screams incoherently*
J.J.: Luke and Leia are no longer brother and sister! This means Rey can be the child of Anakin Skywalker and she can pork with Kylo Ren and IT WON'T BE WEIRD AT ALL!!! Because the Skywalkers aren't related to the Solos! You know why he's called Han Solo?
Rian: Does it matter?
J.J.: Yes! He's called Solo because *in Yoda voice* Always two there are!
Rian: You're a MAD MAN!!!!
J.J.: I'M NOT FINISHED YET! Finn is actually a Kenobi, but he's also Lando's son!
Rian: THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE!!!
J.J.: Sure it does. You know why? THE FORCE!!! BOOM! Suck it, Rian, you CUCK!
[CALL ENDED]
