After seeing the film, I read the glowing review of Midsommar by Tomris Laffly on RogerEbert.com. Her review ends with the insight that Dani’s reaction at the end was a Gibsonesque cry of “freedom” for women escaping an inconsiderate male. Now, I am not sure if this perspective is biased because she is a woman so she saw the film differently than I did as a male, but I did not see Dani as a hero, but a villain in her own way. I imagine many people will see her as a hero, or at least as a victim, even if they don’t share Tomris Laffly’s specific interpretation of the end. Why are some people liable to see Christian as an asshole and Dani as an emotionally neglected woman? Full spoiler warning is in effect.
In the prologue, before Dani’s bi-polar sister kills their parents and herself in a disturbing fashion, Writer/Director Ari Aster deliberately shows us the state of Dani and Christian’s relationship as it hangs on by a thread. Both of them have doubts over whether or not it’s their fault; both have friends who tell them the other side of the relationship is at fault. It’s a deliberately bi-partisan approach to the story from a male perspective and from a female perspective.
Dani’s Side
Dani is in a fright over her sister’s e-mails. She’s hesitant press her thumb down on “Christian” to ease her anxiety because her phone says she’d just called him two minutes before. She does call and Christian is clearly exhausted by such calls. Dani can tell he’s checking out of the relationship. He also sounds like he might be a burnout, talking about smoking resin with the boys. He tells Dani that her sister just wants attention and that Dani always gives it to her and it’s an endless cycle. Christian is not painted in the best light here as the conversation is from Dani’s perspective. After the call, she takes a pill…I’m not sure for what, either an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety or a combo pill. She’s terrified he’s going to break up with her. While talking to her girlfriend on the phone, Dani questions if she’s putting too much on Christian, if she has too much baggage, if she’s pushing him away by leaning on him so hard while he doesn’t lean on her at all. Her girlfriend says “he’s your boyfriend, it’s his job to be there for you’ and tells Dani that if he can’t be her rock, then he’s worthless to her and she should get rid him.
The friend has a point. It is the job of your partner to be there for you. But she’s wrong in that it’s your partner’s job to put up with everything, the phrase “If he can’t handle you at your worst then he does not deserve you at your best” in action.
Christian’s Side
Christian is out with his friends/classmates who are depicted as general douchebags. They try to convince him to break up with Dani, that he needs a girl who actually wants to have sex, as much out of self-interest (Dani must be a buzz killer to them) as it is out of concern for their friend. They comment that the way Dani imposes herself constantly on Christian is abuse, and they’re not wrong.
Christian loves Dani or else he wouldn’t have stuck it out so long, but he’s burned out from dealing with her emotional episodes for a long time…so burned out that even when this particular episode is justified, he’s unable to feel anything other than exhausted apathy. Christian feels he is obligated to continue supporting Dani, out of love, but also out of fear – fear that breaking up with her will send Dani on a downward spiral that would cause him to feel immense guilt, especially if she hurt herself. He knows she is barely holding herself together with him and he can’t see her lasting long without him.
The next call he gets, again minutes later, (his friends try to prevent him from answering the phone) is her screaming into the phone because she heard what happened to her family. It’s a reaction you can believe and it continues in the next scene as he absently comforts her in person as she continues to wail. The guilt he would feel in breaking up with her has been multiplied by ten thousand. He knows he is now trapped.
Emotional Abuse
The dynamic of Dani and Christian’s relationship is one of emotional abuse, and Dani is the abuser. Typically, those who are emotional abusers don’t even know they are emotional abusers. The goal of their abuse is generally the same: to control the other person through creating emotional turmoil. Granted, her abuse isn’t malicious, it’s essentially a self-defense mechanism of insecurity. She doesn’t know if Christian loves her anymore or not, which makes her behave in a manner that guilt trips him into sticking around.
As is usually the case, abuse is typically a learned behavior, especially if the abuser was abused themselves.
Dani’s sister emotionally abuses her. This turned Dani int a nervous wreck that is driven to meltdowns by her sister’s constant outbursts and instilling a heightened responsibility on Dani. It wouldn’t be a stretch to assume Dani’s chosen major of psychology instead of psychiatry (that’s how you know she’s crazy, as she tells Pelle) is a result of the strain of her sister’s mental health put on her – learning about mental illness grants Dani objectivity, objectivity grants her emotional distance, and emotional distance grants her safety.
Christian told Dani that her sister controls her with her episodes and since the conversation is from Dani’s POV, you’re liable to think Christian’s stereotypical unfeeling use of logic to defuse a hysterical woman means he’s a total dick; but he is also telling the truth. Dani has been beaten down by her sister’s emotional abuse, driven to medication to ease her anxiety and depression, and she’s seemingly unable to function. Dani was trapped by familial obligation to her sister, that she needed to sacrifice. She feared that cutting ties with her sister (or even taking time away) would make her sister worse.
Guilt and obligation kept Dani dealing with her sister daily. Guilt and obligation kept Christian dealing with Dani. The only difference is a boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t have the same obligations a sibling, parent, child, or spouse does – family is family. To me, that’s a sign Christian loves Dani or else why would he put up with her when he can just leave?
When Dani’s sister killed their parents and herself, it was a hostile act pointed toward Dani to punish her, to force Dani to be alone while also making Dani feel responsible for what happened.
We fully see Dani’s tendency to emotional abuse when her and Christian are out with Christian’s friends and she hears about the trip to Sweden. She shuts down and sits on her emotions until they get back to her apartment so she can trap him there with her. He asks if she’s upset and gets the ‘I’m fine’ treatment, which means ‘I’m anything but fine’. She wants to talk about it and attempts to leave…or escape, is a better word. She convinces him to stay and talk. She manipulates him by passive-aggressively saying she thinks it’s great if he wants to go and that she’s cool with it, but she really isn’t: the idea of him being gone for a month and a half is not what she needs, and it doesn’t matter to Dani if that’s what he needs.
The scene ends and we see him with his friends as they talk about the trip Sweden. He drops it on them last minute that he invited Dani along, saying she isn’t even going to say yes…it was an invite of propriety he hopes she’ll turn down; his friends know she will come and they’re upset. Christian also knew she’d say yes, which is why he left mentioning to the boys until she was on her way up to the apartment. She’d clearly manipulated her way into going on the trip as a means to control Christian and manipulating him to inviting her was the only way she could prevent him from leaving her.
Like other instances, it’s really easy to sympathize with Dani. She’s been through a lot. She needs support, and can’t be alone. It’s easy to see Christian as being a liar, withholding information from her, being inconsiderate to her feelings, self-interested, and sneaky. It’s harder to sympathize with Christian for not telling her about Sweden because he knew she’d force herself on him. Christian was already burned out before the Dani’s tragedy and has to be even more exhausted now. For his own mental health, a vacation away from Dani is what he needs, but she won’t allow him to have it. It’s possible that time away would be his impetus for breaking up with her. It’s also possible that time away could allow him to recharge and he’d return as better support system for her; maybe he’d realize how much he loves her because absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. Instead, he feels even more suffocated and trapped.
There is a perfect scene that demonstrates Dani’s emotional abuse of Christian in a very tiny way. When they arrive in Sweden and they are given some mushrooms, Christian’s friends are excited to eat them. But Dani says she doesn’t want to do them yet, she wants to be settled in. On the surface it’s understandable. But this is extremely passive aggressive. Why? Because she’s trying to control Christian, to make sure he doesn’t eat them, and he says he’ll wait too without being told to wait. His friend is upset because they can’t trip at different times. Dani then says she’ll do it now, which seems like a concession, but it’s again passive-aggressive. She’s again controlling Christian who now has to eat them because she said so; on top of that, if she has a bad trip, she can now blame someone else for pressuring her into eating them when she knew she wasn’t ready. A trait of emotional abusers is not taking personal responsibility for their actions and to passing the blame onto others.
Reciprocity
Healthy, prosperous relationships require give and take. Both partners need make concessions and to compromise. Both partners need to return affection. Both partners need to support each other. There needs to be some measure of equality. A relationship that is one-sided is toxic and doomed. Abusive relationships are always one-sided. In this case, Christian does all the heavy lifting. Dani herself even understands this, but she figures it’s because Christian doesn’t need her support. Whether or not that’s true is beside the point. What we consistently see in this film is Christian make concessions and sacrifices and he doesn’t get anything in return. He doesn’t appear to get any validation, support in his pursuits, or affection. It’s made clear he’s sex-starved. And once again, it’s extremely easy to see Christian as a stereotypical man who thinks women owe him sex. But sex is part of reciprocity and it is a source of friction in any long term relationship: problems in the bedroom kill many relationships. Now, is Dani obligated to fuck him? Of course not. But it’s one more thing he’s not getting out of the relationship despite everything he puts into it. The lack of sex with your boyfriend/girlfriend can lead one to feel inadequate, unattractive, unwanted, and unloved.
However, the strain on the relationship on Christian’s side is more than a lack of sex. There is a clear strain on his friendships because they too have to make concessions for their friend making concessions for his girlfriend: this is a common element of friendships, but much like Dani puts too much on Christian, Christian in turn puts too much on his friends. We also see that Christian is floundering at school, no doubt because so much of his energy goes to Dani. Much like the toll Dani’s sister inflicted on her, we see how the toll mounts on Christian as the movie continues. Though he doesn’t show it as freely as Dani does, he’s going through his own emotional turmoil throughout the film and before the film, and he doesn’t get the support he needs.
This relationship is doomed
Abuse is Paid Forward
People who are abused are more likely to abuse others. Christian looks really bad when he begins to emotionally manipulate his friend Josh and that creates friction between them. Christian knows his thesis is in bad shape so he manipulates his way into Josh splitting his thesis with him. Once again, it’s easy to see Christian as a bully here, a slacker trying to ride coattails…and he’s white! But he’s behind because he’s dealing with Dani and can’t focus on his schoolwork. And like Dani, he doesn’t realize he’s emotionally manipulating Josh, that he’s being a dick, because his actions are out of fear and self-preservation, much like Dani’s. As Dani said, Christian doesn’t need to lean on her. Christian leans on his friends, but now they lean away. Christian is desperate for help with thesis, he manipulates the situation to control Josh so that Josh can’t lean away and has to support him; this creates animosity between them, much like it created distance between Dani and Christian. Reciprocity is important in every relationship.
Similar to Hereditary, there is a theme in Midsommar about mental health and how it is passed on. In Hereditary we saw how it can be passed down through the generations. Here we see how it can be passed on through relationships with people who are mentally ill and how difficult it can be for other people to cope with other’s mental illness. People coping with mental illness need a support system, but those support systems also need a support system, and if a support system gets worn down, its efficacy falters. What use is a support system that is no longer effective?
The Cult and May Queen Decision
I haven’t yet mentioned the cult at the centre of Midsommar because they really aren’t all that important to my thoughts on the film. It doesn’t seem that they needed to manipulate anything quite in the way the cult in Hereditary was pulling the strings everywhere. There seemed to be no specific reason why Pelle or his brother invited those specific people other than they’re outsiders, and they needed outside blood for their ritual. The only true manipulation they do is when it comes to Christian is mating with Maja, and they use drugs to manipulate toward that end. Perhaps they meant for Dani see them mating so she’d choose to sacrifice Christian and that’s manipulation, but it’s hard to say if they intended for Dani to see or not because they tried (perhaps ostensibly) to separate her from it, but they didn’t prevent her from going to see it. Dani reacts in horror at the sight, but there is dramatic irony at work here. We know he’s being manipulated and controlled into mating, but Dani doesn’t. She sees her fears come to fruition.
With 4 outsiders and 4 members of their commune being selected for sacrifice, it’s up to Dani, The new May Queen, to decide who the 9th sacrifice will be. She chooses Christian instead of a cult member and she watches him burn alive. Then she screams in jubilance. If we are to believe this is a scream of freedom from Dani at the film’s close, closing a tale of female empowerment over inconsiderate men, what does that really say? Christian was constantly forced to choose between Dani and his own future, his friendships, and his own life. Is it truly empowering for a woman to kill a man for being merely inconsiderate? It’s a metaphor, sure, but Christian wasn’t abusive, controlling, or demanding, and he made a lot of sacrifices for Dani. The worst thing he did was sleep with Maja while he was being controlled by the cult. Throughout the film, Christian has no true agency. Dani controls his life and then the cult also controls him too. The only person he tries to control is Josh, but he needs the help of others and he didn’t successfully control him. Christian is placed inside the hide of a bear for sacrifice. That bear was trapped and caged, much like how Christian felt trapped and caged in his relationship.
When Dani chooses Christian for sacrifice, she surely sees it as freedom. But is it freedom? She’s lead to believe the cult is her new family and they will support her because Dani needs others to support her. Her freedom from Christian is little more than disposing of someone she no longer needs, which was following the advice from her girlfriend at the start of the movie. Those who emotionally abuse do not know they are abusers and they often portray themselves as victims to get support from others. Her choosing to sacrifice Christian was little more than a metaphor for the control Dani has over him: Christian has been left unable to speak, unable to move, he’s utterly helpless, and his life is in the hands of Dani. Of course she chooses to burn him. He’s expendable now that she has a new support system: this is evident when the other women mimic her as she wails in agony from seeing Christian with Maja, that the commune isn’t just willing to support her emotions, but share them. Dani sees this act as empathy without understanding it was the commune that orchestrated the events to make her feel that pain, and they emotionally manipulate Dani to join them because cults, by their nature, promise to provide that which you lack.
While Christian’s love for Dani is in question in the entire movie, it wasn’t until the end of the film where I questioned if Dani loved Christian. I’m not sure one could command the person they love be burned to death and then scream in pleasure as they watch them burn. As is often the case with Dani, we can sympathize with her insanity by this point, she wasn’t in her right mind, and maybe she wasn’t even cognizant of what was happening. This mirrors her sister’s ultimate action in life, a mentally ill person punishing someone for the other person not doing enough to help them.
If you feel that Dani earned freedom at the end of the film, that she was a victim and Christian was the toxic part of their relationship, I ask you think of what Christian did that was so horrible to make deserving of fate. I thought of it and I couldn’t find anything. The only thing is mating with Maja, another example of Christian being controlled by a woman for her own needs. If you feel that way, that may prove the power of emotional manipulation because it might have worked on you.